dear universe, can i please pee my weight off?

weight issues are nothing new to any female who’s reached her late 20s. i’m not really sure if it’s the same for men, but they don’t make as much fuss about it as women do.

lately, i’ve been more and more alarmed by my erratic weight loss/gain. one week i feel like this sexy hot bitch walking down the catwalk when i’m really just walking to the photocopy area to fetch my printed reports. the next week i feel like my ass, arms, legs and tummy jiggle with the slightest movement. this weekly sexy/tubby transition has put me in a slump the last few weeks, mainly because i haven’t really made any major changes in anything. i eat the same food, sleep as much as i did before, exercise just as much as i used to, and yet my body’s reacting differently.

now i haven’t gone through the full gamut of weight loss regimens. so far the only one i’ve tried is the starvation diet, and this one i didn’t even willingly try. this was when i had absolutely no appetite whatsoever from depression over a breakup. that’s understandable, right? i’m not the type to stuff my face with anything and everything i can get my hands on when i’m depressed. i’m more the i’m-not hungry-leave-me-alone-mom-i’ll-have-some-water-thank-you type. it was about 2 months of feeding my body on water, a fruit or two each day. let me remind you that this wasn’t a deliberate diet, and when i got over my depression i was back to my normal bod.

why am i so worried about this erratic weight gain when it’s so common among women my age? simple. i don’t want to lose me mojo. i’ll be damned if that day should come.

by mojo, i mean that drive to look my darn sexiest  every single effing day just so i could make heads turn and be satisfied knowing they want what i got but they can’t get any. it’s the confidence i feel when i walk into a meeting room to deliver my reports in front of a troop of managers and not feeling coy at all because i know what to say and i look the part as well. having a positive body image helps, and if that body image is a healthy one, then all the better.

which is why i need to take control over this erratic weight shift that my body’s taken a liking for. which is why the other day while i was taking a shower, i suddenly wished to the universe to just let all my excess weight come off while i scrub with my just-bought loofah, or if i could soak in a hot tub and let all the excess fat melt away, or if i could just pee my weight off. wouldn’t that be grand?

oh well, i guess i’ll just have to accept how my body’s wired. i need to get depressed again teehee.