a learning experience, kind of like a field trip minus the bus ride and the fun

let me get this out in the open. my boyfriend of 3 years left me for another girl. did it hurt? hell yeah. did i try to win him back? HELL NO! does it still hurt? well, if by hurt you mean i still cry and bicker over our unfortunate ending, then no. but if by hurt you mean i still feel pangs of regret and miss him every now and then, then yes.

actually, the first sentence on the first paragraph is not altogether true. i broke up with him coz i’d been noticing some changes in him that i didn’t like, changes that suggested he was interested in someone else. it was only a month after we’d broken up did i find out that he already hooked up with someone, and the girl was the same girl i’d been having suspicions over. so it turns out my suspicions and doubts were true after all.

it’s been almost 2 months now since the breakup, and please note the italicization of the term. these days i always refer to it as such, with emphasis and a bit of innuendo, because the whole experience was just so funny, hurtful, scary, boring, and intellectual all at the same time. you might be wondering how it was all these when usually breakups are just messy and hurtful.. well my dear readers, i’ll tell you why oh why..

funny – he left me for a girl who has 2 kids already. she’s a professional flirt, i’ll give her that. she has hermione’s hair, the white queen’s complexion, and looks like she needs a jaw retainer. i actually thought of roger ebert when i last saw her, coz he lost his jaw to cancer. but in her case, it’s congenital. how funny is that.

hurtful – duh. do i really have to explain this? of course it hurts when someone you love doesn’t want to be with you anymore. it hurts even more when they prefer to be with with a 4-eyed, jaw-lacking, anaemic shit for brains mom.

scary – 2 things got me scared: that i might not meet another guy anymore, and that majority of the fault might’ve been mine. after much thinking and deliberation, i overcame these fears. there are plenty of salmon in the sea, and so long as i’m willing to venture away from my prefered bangus, i’ll be fine. and my ex and i both had our faults in our past relationship. i won’t go into the gory details.

boring – has this ever happened to anyone? getting bored from crying too much and wallowing in self-pity? well, it happened to me last month. there came a point where i told myself i’ve become this boring version of my old self, and i forced myself to do something productive. i read john macnab, enjoyed it, then moved on to killing time in a warm place. now i’m reading skinny legs and all, and although i may still seem boring to hapless dimwits, i don’t find myself boring anymore. i now spend my time catching up on my reading, and that to me is productive.

intellectual – through the wacky conversations i had with myself in my head. i kept imagining myself being 2 different persons, conversing and going through what happened blow-by-blow (oooh, sounds kinky?). anyhoo, what usually works for me is this kind of visualization. arguing with myself in this way makes me realize, i’m not just psycho, i’m a rational psycho.

there you have it. my most memorable breakup to date. my heart got plucked out, chewed and spat by a guy i seriously considered marrying. but i came out a better person from what happened. i really am. so, THANK YOU FUCKERS!